I think it is worth noting that I am aware of the million tense changes going on in these rough drafts I am posting. I am still trying to decide which style I prefer. It is kind of a tough decision. What do you guys think? Anything you like or dislike more than something else?
“It is better to break one’s heart than do nothing with it,” I muttered under my breath.
“Margaret Kennedy?” It was a statement more than a question. He knew who the quote was from, but the question lie in why she had muttered it. She had whispered it so low, he probably should not have heard it, but he had a keen sense of hearing, one of the boto characteristics that carried over to human form.
He glanced at her when he realized she had not responded, and was surprised to find she looked petrified.
“You okay?” he asked for the second time that hour.
She shook her head as if to clear it of thoughts, and hesitantly said, “Yes, I can’t believe you heard that.”
“I have good hearing.” He responded, hoping it was matter-of-fact enough to not solicit any further questions about it.
“I see.” She said, looking somewhat skeptical.
“So, you are a movie buff, a literature buff, and an athlete, not to mention an accomplished scholar, what else do you do Miss Lindberg?”
“I would hardly say accomplished scholar.” I replied trying once again to avoid the question, reverting back to the protect your heart stance rather than the stance Mrs. Kennedy would support.
“Really, I did not take you for humble?” He mockingly replied.
“Possessing such a quality is required to recognize it.” I retorted smartly.
“Ouch, you said before you hardly know me, and yet it seems you have already passed judgment. That is twice now you have assumed my character. Are you even going to take time to get to know me first?”
He was right of course. I had. I had classified him as a type, but not without reason. He hung out with all the guys that fit that type. He drove a sports car. He had every girl in the school mooning over him, and did not pay attention to any of them, at least not seriously. He was cocky, arrogant, and good at just about everything as far as I knew. And, he hung out with Riley. As far as I was concerned I had judged him correctly.
“So I have.” I agreed, and left it at that.
His eyebrows raised, “Care to elaborate?”
“Not particularly!” That was the last thing I wanted. It was easy enough to justify my judgment in my head, but to actually tell him, when I was stuck in the car with him for at least the next two and half hours was more than I was willing to do.
“Why do you make me work so hard? Come on Katie, can’t you see I want to get to know you?”
My instincts told me what he said was said in honesty, but I still had to tread carefully. It was comments like this that had hooked me with Ethan and had hurt me the most when he was insincere. I did not trust my instinct anymore. For all I knew, it was the fact that I snubbed him that interested him, not me.
“So you say.” It was all I could think to say, “And it is Kate, not Katie.”
The car suddenly screeched to a halt, the smell of burning rubber filled my nostrils, and my chest was being forcibly restrained by the locked seatbelt.
“What was that for?” I screeched at him. He had slammed on the breaks, and I had almost hit my head on the dashboard. My neck was screaming at me in pain from the tension of the unexpected stop.
“Why don’t you believe me?” It was all he said, but it was said with such force, such determination it scared me. He was staring at me, those pale blue eyes pinning me to my seat, not allowing me to avoid his question this time.
“I don’t know.” I tried to lie.
“No…” he shook his head, “Not good enough. Why? The truth.” His expression hardened, and I could see smooth talking would not get me out of this. I started to question the wisdom of driving with him.
“Fine,” I sighed, I could see in his eyes we weren’t going anywhere until I told him, and I figured it was better than having a staring match, even if it did frustrate me to have to do this. “You want the truth?”
“Yes.” One syllable, forcefully spat out. It was all I needed for the floodgates to break open and spill the thoughts I had been hiding. The reason I had been avoiding him, and despised him so much.
“The truth is, you never even noticed me until I started ignoring you. I know your type. It has nothing to do with me. It is all about you. Your pride is hurt that I am not like the rest of the simpering ninnies in our class, falling all over myself for you. You want the truth from me, why not give me the truth in return? It is the challenge, not me that interests you.”
I expected denial, I was disappointed. Instead, he smiled, put the car back in gear, and pulled back onto the long lonely stretch of highway between Salmon and Rexburg.
“That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” He asked with the arrogant smile back on his face, and the calm look of control back in his eyes.
I was furious. The least he could do was dignify me with a proper denial. He could lie through his teeth and tell me all the things I wanted to hear, that it was about me, that the challenge had nothing to do with his sudden interest. The fact that he didn’t pissed me off, not because he did not try and hide the truth, but because in being honest he proved my assumptions wrong. If he was like Ethan, he would have lied. He would have told me all the things that an insecure girl would want to hear. Instead he smiled and continued on our merry way. I realized that in trying to keep him from having power, I just served it up to him on a silver platter. I exposed all of my insecurities, and showed my hand. I might as well fold now, as I was bound to lose unless I changed the rules of the game.
A low frustrated growl erupted from my throat.
“In fear of sounding redundant I won’t ask if you are okay. But if we are going to sit in silence for the next couple of hours, would you care if I turn on the radio?” He teased.
“Let’s talk.” I said, surprising myself.
“Ok, what about?”
“You.” I was in unfamiliar territory, but I had stepped across the border, and now I had no choice but to surge on. “You show up, out of no where. You are an excellent student. Everyone loves you. You obviously have money. What is your story?” I wasn’t asking for the sake of my mother, but for myself.
I was not certain, but I thought I saw a bit of an internal struggle surface in his features. It was only a moment, and he quickly masked whatever emotion I had seen. I paused my mental barrage a moment when I realized that was the second time I had thought of him as masking his emotions. I am not sure if I am just really untrusting, or if he is. He puts back on his big smile, and says, “There is not much to tell. I am from Canadaigua, which is in upstate New York. I am an only child. My parents are farmers.” He gives no extra details.
“Your turn.” He says.
Of course I was going to get the headline version. I wasn’t giving him anything but surface information, why would be do something different with me.
“Let’s make a deal?” I decided compromise was best. He was not going to give, and I figured if I offered something, he might do the same.
“What kind of deal?” He asked.
“You get ten questions, answered honestly, but in return I get the same.”
“Hmm, let’s add the option for two vetoes. Agreed?”
“Yes, that sounds about right.” That was good, I was glad he had added that as I was not really ready to tell him about past relationships, which would probably come up. “You first,” I declared.
“Okay, why have you been so rude to me?” He said it without hesitation, so I figured he had wanted to ask it for a while.
I contemplated a veto, but decided that would be a bad precedent to start off with. “Well, embarrassment would be a large part of it, and my friend likes you.”
“What does your friend liking me have anything to do with it?” He asked.
“That would be question two for you, and it is not your turn…are you sure you want me to answer?” I replied.
“Yes, and that was your question one.” He said smugly.
“Jerk, that is not fair.” I punched him in the shoulder.
“Ouch, you can’t him me, I’m driving.” He said, a feigned look of hurt.
“If I answer your question, you have to give me an extra one.” I said, careful not to let it be a question, but a statement.
“Ok!” He agreed, laughing in triumph.
“When a friend likes a boy, you have to decide which matters to you most—the boy, or the friend? I chose friend. If I was nice, Lauren might think I like you, and that is not something I want.”
“So you don’t like me?” he asked.
“That is question three, and I have not even gotten one real one.” I folded my arms across my chest, and pretended to be mad.
“Avoidance is a sure sign that you do like me.” He was fishing, and I was not going to give him the satisfaction of an answer. Instead I ignored him and I looked at the passing scenery. To the left of the highway there was a little cabin with a small pond out front. To the right there was a stream. It was really beautiful country.
“Okay, okay, ask your question,” he gave up.
“What were you laughing about when you walked into Erik’s house the first night we met?” I was mostly asking to see if he had made the connection that the orange sweatshirt freak had been me.
“Veto.” He said it so quickly, not even thinking about it, which made me all the more curious.
“You can’t be serious!” I was frustrated, it was a simple question, and he vetoed it.
“Deadly, my turn. Do you like me?”
“Noooo.” I said, stretching it out for emphasis. I was still fuming about his veto.
“The deal was truth, that better be the truth. You have ten seconds to change your statement.” He said with all seriousness.
“Or what?” I questioned. I knew he might call me out on the question, but it was fun to flirt a little.
“Or I will pull the car over.” He was not joking.
“Ahhh, this is not fair, I have answered tons of your questions, and you have not told me anything!”
“Spill, or the deal is off.”
“Fine, I find you…intriguing. You keep surprising me, which is new for me. But, in all honesty, I don’t “like” people until I get to know them.” It was close to the truth. I did find him intriguing, and in the past I was fairly level-headed about whom I liked. However, I did like him more than I was admitting, to him or myself.
“I guess we better get to know each other then.”
“Question two, what is that supposed to mean?” I knew it was a wasted question, but I wanted to hear him say it.
“I like you, and I think it would be wise to determine if the feeling is returned so we are not wasting time.” He said it with such finality I couldn’t help but be pissed off.
“So, if I do not like you, then being around me is a waste of time? Well that is rich.” I wanted to get out of the car, but that would be stupid since I was 50 miles away from the closest anything. Instead I punched the radio button, and turned up the volume.
After a couple of songs, he reached over slowly, almost tentatively, and turned it off, “Just because I think it is a waste of time if you do not like me does not change the fact that I like you. So deal with it. Can we get back to the game now?”
“Yeah.” I was still mad, but the focus of my anger was no longer him, but me. I was mad at myself for letting my emotional side show. I always prided myself on being ruled by intellect, not emotion, but the fact was, I was as emotion driven as the next girl.
“Whose turn?” He asked.
“I don’t know, mine, I guess.” I had lost track, but I knew he had gotten more answers than I had, so I figured it was my turn regardless.
“Ok, go for it.” He said, his smile back on his face.
“What are your future plans?” I wanted to ask a nice safe, non-controversial question to start. We tended to set each other off, and I could see that I needed to play nice or we would be in a fight the whole car ride.
“Well, let’s see…same as everyone I guess. Graduate. Go to college. Be successful.” He glanced over at me, and smiled. “You?”
“Bad answer…no detail. College for what? Successful how?” This time I was not avoiding his question, but trying to get him to stop avoiding mine.
“Not sure.” He answered simply and honestly, and so I figured I should answer his question.
“Well, I want to graduate as well, and then I want to go to school in the East. I want to study bio-chemistry.” I knew I sounded like a nerd with a five-year plan, but this was something I wanted, and I did not want to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. “I plan to focus on school, travel during my breaks, work hard, and graduate without debt, or as little as possible. I plan to do this without help from my parents financially, but I know when the reality of college expenses, housing, books, etc. face me, I will cave and let them help. So, I also plan to pay them back.”
